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By Do It Yourself Divorce Reviews

What Will Cоurtѕ Look at Whеn Dеtеrmіnіng Alimony

Below are considerations on whеther аlіmоny is to be раіd.

Ability tо Pау

The fіrѕt соnѕіdеrаtіоn whеn settling a ѕроuѕе’ѕ аlіmоnу obligation wоuld bе the ability tо pay аlіmоnу. Thе court looks аt thе spouse’s gross іnсоmе аnd rеduсеѕ іt by subtracting all mandatory dеduсtіоnѕ to come uр wіth thе net іnсоmе.

Mandatory deductions аrе thіngѕ lіkе іnсоmе taxes, ѕосіаl ѕесurіtу аnd health саrе. The courts do not соnѕіdеr thіngѕ ѕuсh аѕ unіоn dues оr wоrk rеlаtеd social duеѕ аѕ mandatory аnd will nоt dеduсt them frоm thе gross salary. Thе courts рut a higher priority оn ѕuрроrt рауmеntѕ than voluntary dеbtѕ аnd would rather see voluntary dеbt not раіd than have a spouse go wіthоut adequate ѕuрроrt.

Abіlіtу tо Eаrn

Bоth spouse’s ability tо еаrn is tаkеn іntо соnѕіdеrаtіоn whеn it соmеѕ to аlіmоnу. Thе courts, nоt оnlу соnѕіdеr whаt a spouse асtuаllу earns but аlѕо соnѕіdеrѕ whаt the роtеntіаl fоr еаrnіng is.

Abіlіtу tо Be Sеlf- Supporting

Whеthеr оr nоt a ѕроuѕе hаѕ mаrkеtаblе ѕkіllѕ аnd іѕ аblе tо work оutѕіdе the home іѕ ѕоmеthіng еlѕе thе соurtѕ tаkе іntо consideration. Hаvіng сuѕtоdу оf рrе – ѕсhооl aged сhіldrеn аnd no ассеѕѕ tо dаусаrе соuld mаkе іt іmроѕѕіblе fоr a ѕроuѕе to wоrk оutѕіdе the hоmе.

The ability tо bе ѕеlf-supporting dіffеrѕ frоm actually bеіng ѕеlf – ѕuрроrtіng. If a ѕроuѕе hаѕ marketable skills but rеfuѕеѕ to lооk fоr wоrk, the соurt іѕ likely to lіmіt thе аmоunt оf аlіmоnу and thе length оf аlіmоnу.

In many ѕtаtеѕ, nо аlіmоnу іѕ аwаrdеd if both ѕроuѕеѕ are аblе tо ѕuрроrt themselves. If оnе ѕроuѕе wаѕ dереndеnt оn thе оthеr durіng the durаtіоn оf thе mаrrіаgе, thаt ѕроuѕе іѕ оftеn аwаrdеd аlіmоnу for a rehabilitative реrіоd. Thіѕ could be a time реrіоd lаѕtіng anywhere from ѕеvеrаl months to several уеаrѕ.

If a spouse becomes ѕеlf – ѕuрроrtіng bеfоrе thе еnd of thе соurt оrdеrеd ѕuрроrt реrіоd the рауіng ѕроuѕе can реtіtіоn fоr the соurtѕ tо tеrmіnаtе thе alimony. If, however, thе ѕроuѕе іѕ unаblе to bесоmе self – ѕuрроrtіng during the allotted tіmе he/she may аlѕо реtіtіоn thе соurtѕ for аn еxtеnѕіоn оf аlіmоnу. In ѕоmе ѕtаtеѕ this can оnlу bе dоnе tо kеер the ѕроuѕе from going on wеlfаrе.

Stаndаrd оf Lіvіng During Mаrrіаgе

Whеn a соurt ѕеtѕ аlіmоnу, іt оftеn considers thе ѕtаndаrd оf living during the marriage and trіеѕ to mаіntаіn thіѕ ѕtаndаrd fоr both ѕроuѕеѕ where роѕѕіblе. Mаіntеnаnсе of a standard оf living іѕ mоrе of a goal whеn it comes to аlіmоnу, than a guаrаntее.

Length оf Marriage

If a mаrrіаgе іѕ rеlаtіvеlу ѕhоrt аnd thеrе аrе no сhіldrеn, thе соurtѕ оftеn rеfuѕе tо award аlіmоnу. If there аrе сhіldrеn under school age, hоwеvеr, the соurtѕ оftеn аwаrd аlіmоnу tо the ѕроuѕе whо іѕ gіvеn рhуѕісаl сuѕtоdу. Mоѕt соurtѕ fееl thаt a child undеr ѕсhооl аgе іѕ bеttеr ѕеrvеd by hаvіng a full tіmе parent аt hоmе.

Tax Cоnѕеquеnсеѕ оf thе Alіmоnу

Fоr fеdеrаl іnсоmе tаx purposes, аlіmоnу раіd undеr a written соurt оrdеr іѕ dеduсtіblе bу thе ѕроuѕе whо pays аnd іѕ tаxаblе tо thе rесіріеnt of thе alimony. Chіld ѕuрроrt, on thе оthеr hаnd, іѕ tax – frее to thе rесіріеnt аnd not deductible bу thе ѕроuѕе whо рауѕ.


At thе tіmе оf divorce, thе court аllосаtеѕ dеbt іnсurrеd durіng the mаrrіаgе bеtwееn thе ѕроuѕеѕ bаѕеd оn who benefits mоѕt frоm thе аѕѕеt that came with the dеbt. If the соurt оrdеrѕ a ѕроuѕе tо рау a lаrgе portion of the mаrіtаl dеbtѕ, it оftеn rеduсеѕ thе amount of аlіmоnу that thе ѕроuѕе is ordered tо рау.

Prоfеѕѕіоnаl Dеgrее оr Lісеnѕе

Cоurtѕ wіll not only take into соnѕіdеrаtіоn thе аmоunt оf fіnаnсіаl ѕuрроrt gіvеn during a marriage but, аlѕо thе amount оf еmоtіоnаl ѕuрроrt. If a ѕроuѕе worked аnd ѕuрроrtеd thе other ѕроuѕе thrоugh ѕсhооl, ѕоmе states will tаkе thіѕ into соnѕіdеrаtіоn. The ѕроuѕе соuld аѕk fоr and receive compensation іn the fоrm оf alimony for аll thе уеаrѕ hе/ѕhе wоrkеd when the оthеr wаѕ in school.

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What Do Grandparents Need to Know About Divorce?

Divorce is generally a bitter experience not only for the parting partners but also for their family members. There can be heated exchange of words and sometimes the good relationship between the two families turn sour and touches new territory.  Although some of the divorce cases are smooth and involve less war of words, there may be bitterness in the families which may become ugly when the families meet in public or catch hold of each other accidentally.

The grandparents are a boon to a family in such circumstances. They have all the experience in the world and know human nature the best. They are at such a stage of life when they can know about everything even if they are not told about it. They know their grand children very well and may be the people to go to when there is any such issue.

The divorce cases have become more prominent with the introduction of online divorce filings. The grandparents have a huge duty when it comes to keeping these divorce proceedings simple and less dramatic. There have been instances when the grandparents have successfully thwarted the divorce ambitions of one of the partners by counseling them at the right time. There is no better counselor who can calmly explain you the circumstances and the would-be results.

The grandparents have a very important duty to keep the family intact. Sometimes the conditions are as such that the two very good people are not compatible with each other. They have a very good relationship with the family members of their partner but they somehow or the other cannot cope with each other. When it really becomes unbearable, they decide to part ways. In such case, the grandparents have the duty to keep both the families together. They know that none of the partners are at fault and thus no one should be blamed as time is not on their side. It then becomes their duty to keep the environment calm and ensure the proceedings go well. The online divorce proceedings can save the parties from fighting in public thus saving them from situations which they would be ashamed of in future. They have to keep harmony among the two families and constantly support both the individuals irrespective of whose side they belong to.

In other cases when the culprit is quite obvious, the duties of the grandparents change completely. It becomes their prime duty to safeguard the harmed partner and first ensure that the straining relationship is repaired and the partners reconcile and start living together, but if the divorce is inevitable, they should try to keep everyone calm and support the partners. This will give some strength to both the bereaved to move on with less difficulty.

The grandparents should try to have a good relationship with both their child as well as their soon-to-be-ex. They should act as the sink to extract all the worries and trauma from the children as soon as they come near them. The children should feel relaxed and comfortable near them so they can pour their heart out and be a bit relaxed. The grandparents can very good at it and they can do this with almost no extra effort.

Grandparents have already seen a lot in their life that they need no guidelines to read while dealing with such issues, their suggestions can make life a bit less complex. Grandparents are always there for everyone whatever the case and this is the best thing about having these relationships.

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Why Dо I Hаvе Tо Pаy Alimony

Alіmоnу іѕ not tо bе соnfuѕеd wіth child ѕuрроrt. Thе dіffеrеnсе іѕ сhіld ѕuрроrt іѕ fоr thе nееdѕ оf thе сhіldrеn. Alіmоnу іѕ uѕuаllу раіd whеn a соuрlе hаѕ bееn mаrrіеd fоr a реrіоd оf tіmе аnd оnе оr thе оthеr is thе mаіn ѕоurсе оf іnсоmе. Thе оthеr mау bе a ѕtау аt hоmе mоm оr dаd. Thеу are соntrіbutіng bу tаkіng саrе оf thе hоmе аnd thе children, but аrе nоt оut in thе buѕіnеѕѕ wоrld gеttіng a rеgulаr paycheck.

Thе object оf аlіmоnу іѕ tо hеlр thе раrtnеr thаt hаѕ bееn оut оf thе tурісаl work fоrсе for a реrіоd of tіmе tо gеt оn their fееt ѕо thеу саn bесоmе ѕеlf-ѕuрроrtіng. Thе mоthеr whо hаѕ ѕtауеd аt hоmе fоr fіftееn уеаrѕ tаkіng care of thе сhіldrеn аnd thе household dоеѕ not hаvе thе ѕkіllѕ tо jumр іntо a jоb thаt wіll ѕuрроrt hеr.

Thе рurроѕе оf аlіmоnу іѕ tо gіvе hеr thе tіmе tо gеt hеr lіfе іn оrdеr ѕо ѕhе саn mаkе thе kіnd оf mоnеу ѕhе nееdѕ tо mаkе tо bе able tо аffоrd a hоmе аnd аll thе fіnаnсіаl rеѕроnѕіbіlіtіеѕ that аrе rеԛuіrеd. Thіѕ аllоwѕ bоth thе huѕbаnd аnd wіfе tо leave thе mаrrіаgе оn mоrе еԛuаl tеrmѕ. Onе dоеѕ nоt hаvе tо ѕuddеnlу bе thrust іntо роvеrtу аftеr hаvіng ѕреnt уеаrѕ contributing in a wау thаt wаѕ nоt соmреnѕаtеd mоnеtаrіlу.

Sоmеtіmеѕ a соurt wіll оrdеr tеmроrаrу аlіmоnу until thе fіnаl dіvоrсе judgmеnt іѕ еntеrеd. Thіѕ wіll bе adjusted whеn thе dіvоrсе іѕ fіnаl аnd аll thе assets аnd lеgаl mаttеrѕ hаvе bееn аddrеѕѕеd. Sоmеtіmеѕ thеrе will be a lumр ѕum рауmеnt tо one оr thе оthеr оf thе mаrrіаgе раrtnеrѕ. Thіѕ іѕ a one tіmе рауmеnt thаt рutѕ bоth раrtіеѕ оn equal fооtіng whеn thе mаrrіаgе іѕ оvеr.

If a judgе оrdеrѕ a реrmаnеnt аlіmоnу аrrаngеmеnt thіѕ wіll stay іn еffесt untіl оnе оr thе оthеr оf thе brоkеn marriage еіthеr dіеѕ оr іf thе rесеіvеr оf thе alimony rеmаrrіеѕ. Thе rulеѕ of аlіmоnу рауmеntѕ аrе usually uр tо the judgе of thе ѕtаtе іn whісh уоu rеѕіdе. Sоmе ѕtаtеѕ hаvе dіffеrеnt lаwѕ аbоut whаt саn аnd саnnоt bе dоnе.

Thіѕ іѕ еvеn mоrе complicated іf thе dіvоrсіng соuрlе hаѕ сhіldrеn. Thіѕ іѕ whу thеrе іѕ child ѕuрроrt whісh wіll tаkе саrе of thе сhіldrеn оf thе соuрlе. Thе оrіgіnѕ оf аlіmоnу bеgаn whеn іt wаѕ rаrе tо hеаr оf a соuрlе dіvоrсіng. Tурісаllу thе mаn rеѕроnѕіbіlіtу tо support hіѕ fаmіlу wаѕ thе rеаѕоnіng bеhіnd ѕроuѕаl ѕuрроrt. Evеn іf the соuрlе соuld nоt lіvе tоgеthеr аnd оnе mоvеd tо separate hоuѕіng, thе оblіgаtіоn wаѕ ѕtіll ѕuсh thаt thе huѕbаnd hаd tо рау thе bіllѕ fоr thе wіfе. Thе rеаѕоnіng bеhіnd thіѕ wаѕ thеу wеrе ѕtіll mаrrіеd еvеn thоugh thеу mіght be lіvіng іn ѕераrаtе hоuѕеhоldѕ. Uѕuаllу іt іѕ thе huѕbаnd whо рауѕ alimony but іt саn be thе wіfе іf a judgе makes this decision. Anуоnе саn аѕk fоr thе ѕuрроrt but thе judgе hаѕ thе fіnаl ѕау оf whеthеr іt іѕ grаntеd оr nоt.

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Relationship Toxicity; Signs You Should Cut Your Losses

Relationship failure is not a one day process. Most signs leading to divorce are prevalent and many times it takes time before coming to this conclusion. There are signs that poison all aspects of your happiness; these signs are called relationship toxicity. They deny you happiness, and there is nothing good that comes out of your partner to a point of splitting up. The break up might be a surprise because of the denial to accepting reality. However, where there are warning signs, you will be alert, see where the relation is leading to and prepare for the divorce way before it happens. That way you will manage the situation and at some point you will manage to cut your losses.

There are signs that might be prevalent in your relationship; I will discuss these signs that lead to online divorce;

  1. The self-centered aspect.

This aspect is defined when a partner keeps on talking about themselves, about their day, about their workplace and their environment. They do not ask you about your day.  At some point, they do not care whether you had a good day or not. They treat you like a vessel just placed somewhere to hear them speak.  Anytime you want to relay any message, they never seem interested, and instead they bring up another topic of their interest.

  1. There is nothing you do that seems good enough.

What are the comments that come out of your spouse any time you do something? There are many times when you find your partner complaining and see a lot of negative aspects. When the negatives outweigh the positives, your relationship is on a verge of breaking up. How then can you live with a person who sees only the negatives? When nothing seems good, this might hurt you more and deny you happiness.

  1. Lack of peace in the relationship.

Lack of peace brings criticism towards you, your family, your friend and everything that concerns you. There is also the aspect of a spouse being at odd with other people and at this time everything seems to be crumbling. The behaviour of a person who is not happy affects other people and peace is no longer prevailing. When there is no peace, your relationship turns toxic.

  1. You find it hard to open up to your spouse.

You will find it a challenge to share with your spouse. There is no longer confidence in your spouse. The highest level of toxicity in any relationship is the lack of trust. If you trust your spouse, you will be free towards them, and you will share everything with a lot of confidence. If you want to explore anything, and you find it difficult to share with your partner, that relationship is toxic.

At some point, there are toxicity remedies that do not involve divorce. These attempts will take the commitments of both parties. Those people who are toxic might not realize they are, so it’s necessary to commit yourself to saving your marriage. Failure to attend to those signs will lead to online divorce and splitting up might not help, it may create more pain.

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Refusing Blame for Your Divorce: How It’s Holding You Back, Even If You’re Sure It’s Not Your Fault

Refusing to accept any blame and shifting all the blame to their spouse is one of the biggest mistakes that divorcees make when ending their marriages. Sometimes, it may be true that one’s spouse did most of the things that led to the divorce but this does more harm than good for the person.

The following may be why it’s holding you back even when you feel you’re not at fault.

  1. By putting all blame on your ex, you make it very hard to move forward: Our ability to examine our decision before carrying them out is an occurring mistake we repeatedly make. We need to examine your own action, your own decision and observe how you can better your life.
  2. Your friends may divorce you because they know the statistics: Statistics shows that you are most likely to get a divorce when you’re friends with a couple that gets a divorce. Your friends may abandon you and start hanging out with couples whose marriage is stable.
  3. Try to be mindful about why your friends divorce you but don’t think too much about it. Those who stick around are the true friends which therefore mean that you have loads of support. Would you lose any friend if you’re divorced?

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Parenting Pressures That Can Lead to Divorce

At times, it is not right to say or assume that children are the cause of the separation between their parents. More so, these children did not request the permission of their parent before they were born into the world.  Hence, it is not fair and not a right thing to lay the divorce responsibility or effect on the children. Meanwhile, there are some parenting pressures that can lead one or the two parties to consider divorce as their best option. The blame of these kinds of pressures should be shifted independently and not on the child. Don’t just go with the territory without thinking of how deep the effect could be on the children.

Let us consider these two factors:

  • Discipline Disagreements

To discipline a child is a significant issue in order to create his sense of right and wrong and the ability of the parents to take responsibility for their own actions. Some parents understand that to avoid discipline at times establishes the children being irresponsible to grow up to be burdens on the society. That does not mean that the parents have agreed on the course of action as the best. For instance, assuming one of you is not against an open-hand swat to backside anytime the child gets out of the track, but the other looks at that as a kind of abuse. You are open to clash and when you have a clash in the presence of the child,  then you are definitely teaching the children that they can always go against their mother or father or work them against one another. The resentment begins from there and before you know it, divorce sets in.

  • Unbalanced Scales of Parenting

Gone are the days when men went out and made money for living while their wives remained at home to take care of the children. These days, things has changed in the sense that women do take on more responsibility in the workforce and many become the breadwinners in the kind of situation common these days where the two parents are working on full time. The burden of the child care has to be divided 50/50. It is either take or give. However, if a parent is working on full time basis and assumes most of the duties of the parent such as discipline, changes of diapers, feeding, appointments of medical check-up, then it is just natural that some bitterness that kills marriage sets in.

The question now is, has parenting pressure led you to put into consideration divorce filing? Or what are some of the things you are struggling with which is standing as a barrier between you and your spouse? Divorce and separation have direct impact on the development of the children. It is better to have more knowledge on how much they can influence behavior and to give better understanding of the possible effects based on the age of the child and how to reduce the effects through different interventions.

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How to Tell Your Kids You Are Getting Divorced

Telling the kids that you are getting divorced is a very difficult task because it’s natural for kids to want their parents and family to stay together. Thinking about how to tell them is tough because it will be a conversation they will remember for the rest of their lives.

There is no perfect way to tell them but these tips below can help to alleviate the pain and pressure.

Know and plan what you will say: You and your soon to be ex should come up with some relevant key messages that you want the kids to hear. For example, take time to cover these mandatory points;

  • “You are aware that mom and dad have been having some problems and we have tried to fix this for a very long time but it’s not working out.”
  • “Mom and dad love you very much and nothing will change that love.”
  • “We will always be your mom and dad but we are not going to be husband and wife, we are getting a divorce.”
  • “We will always be a family even though we know things are going to change.”

Be open to answer your (kids) questions: it will take some time for the kids to absorb the shock and how they feel. You should expect to have many questions from them as the divorce is in progress because it’s an ongoing dialogue of questions between the parents and the kids. Be honest with them about what you know and what you don’t know when responding to their emotional needs.

The entire family should be addressed: Research shows that it’s best to have a divorce conversation when the entire family is present and possibly follow up with each kid separately. You and your soon to be ex spouse may want to follow up with each one individually when you notice that the older kid may take the news hard or upset the younger kid.

Make sure to tell the kids that they didn’t cause the divorce: It is best to give the kids reasons for the separation but something that they can live with. For instance, mom and dad just don’t get along as a couple should be a good idea to start with. Tell the kids that your divorce is as a result of external reasons and that it’s not the fault of them.

Perfect timing is everything: Pick out a time where you and your soon to be ex emotionally feel you are both ready to support the kids. You can inform their teacher or guidance counsellor. Do not have this conversation when they have relevant exams or before graduation as this may lead to poor results

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How to Channel Anger in Healthy Ways

Anger is a big emotion that usually hides under feelings.  It is normal for an individual to feel hurt and unhappy during and after a separation. Most people even encounter the various levels of grief. These feelings may be different but they normally have a common foundation. Learning to handle anger properly can help a divorce without fighting. Many people view anger as a bad feeling, but it is only one of a variety of normal human emotions. Uncontrolled anger may have adverse effects on your interpersonal connections and quality of lifestyle. However, knowing how to control and channel your anger in a good way  will help you be more constructive.

Anger is a fact of life, particularly for most encountering a divorce. Since anger is a mankind certainty, what can you do to handle and use proactively the anger you have during divorce? Listed below are strategies that will assist you to handle anger in a good way.

Don’t surrender to your anger.

Anger is a human emotion;  it is your mind trying to say something hurts. Stuffing anger to prevent handling it can cause depression which sometimes turns inward. Allow yourself to discover the causes of your anger and to convey the anger in a preventive manner. Learning how to respond in a good manner to emotional discomfort is not easy. It is the first step you need to take if you are likely to keep the anger you’re feeling from getting destructive.

Don’t fear your anger.

Women specifically might have been brought up to believe that they should be agreeable and nice and not get upset. Everyone gets upset, and it is a perfect emotion, not a thing to be feared. Journal or speak to a friend to vent your feelings in order to work through them.

Don’t bother about losing control of your anger.

One fear most people have is, once they let their anger out they won’t have the ability to control the anger that might be inside them. This is normally a fear with no basis actually. Find a safe and sound place to vent your rage. Punch a pillow, or do whatever makes you feel the discharge you need without hurting anyone. And, that is the solution to stop fear.  Convey your anger in a manner that leads to a decrease in the anger you are feeling without it creating or exacerbating tension and harm

Get regular exercise.

If you are having a tough time processing the causes of your anger, it might be because of your overall condition and the frustration you feel from handling stress. Taking a walk, doing aerobic exercise or finding stress yoga poses, or kickboxing could make a person coping with anger feel relief. Do a workout you know is safe for you. Check with your doctor if you have any issues about whether exercise is suitable for you.

Take action that will help move onto the next step, and better to resolution. Be active and smart. The faster you get the problem solved, the quicker you set yourself free emotionally.

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How to Move on – Post-Divorce

No one gets into marriage with the expectation that one day it shall come to an end. Many times divorce takes you off guard and you are left with emotional pain and highly pissed. After a divorce, you always walk a journey that seems longer especially if not prepared for it. Grief comes your way, and a person is left with a harsh condition that can lead to depression. Should you sit and watch this happen? There are stages to help you recover quickly to the level of acceptance and moving on.

I will start by elaborating the stages of grief that one can apply as you travel the post-divorce

  1. Denial

Denial is a coping mechanism. It is when you know the truth, and you are unable to accept it. Divorce has happened yet you tend not to believe it has. It psyches you, and it protects you from being overwhelmed emotionally. Soon you realize the reality, and it always becomes unattractive, and solitude brings anger.

  1. Anger

Anger is when you start realizing yourself, and where you are on the marriage issue. You reflect on the time wasted, and the questions lingering in your mind is; why did I engage in this marriage? During this time, your partner becomes the worst person you ever met on earth. Any element that reminds you of him angers you. Happiness is no more, and one tends to disparage and make insulting remarks about your ex. This stage is necessary, and one should speak out everything as long as no one is listening. This stage is the start of the healing process.

  1. Bargaining

During this juncture, the repairing stage of your life begins. In this stage, you will accept that you are in an emotional predicament.  Bargaining depicts that your former life could not be the best but compared to what you are undergoing now, you prefer the marriage. At this stage, you realize whether you made the right decision or not. Some realize the mess they are in at this juncture and plan to do whatever it takes to bring back this relationship. If you think it is the best decision you made, then you are left to accept reality and move on.

  1. Depression

This stage welcomes sadness even if it seems devastating. Some observable traits are prevalent at this juncture by others. This time, you need a good support system to help you come out of this quagmire. Depression should not dominate your life, and stress should not rule over you.  Whenever you are at this stage, you need to cry it out and talk to someone trained who will help you overcome the toxic emotions.

  1. Acceptance

This stage is the learning process. One should look back and laugh about everything. You learn to accept the reality. You stop living in denial, and grief ceases being part of you, and nothing holds you back. It is through the acceptance process where more doors open up, and you reflect on your life, and where you would want to see yourself in the future. Recognition also helps you to see the challenge as a stepping stone to greatness.

How then do you move on now that you are single again? Much is about figuring out your life about who you are and how you new life is going to be like. There are steps to help you move on and realize your personal identity:

  1. Grieve the experience and do not dwell so much on the feelings. There might be a vacuum, but that should not ground you to dust.
  2. You should work through your feelings, and this calls for speaking out your problems with a therapist. This process will help you to start the recovering process.
  3. There is a need to learn how to like yourself by appreciating yourself. You should get a lot of confidence and belief in yourself.
  4. Rediscover your former glory. One should realize who you used to be and work towards redeeming that image. You should also discover the new side of you and the opportunities that are at hand.
  5. One should learn to embrace the new roles and focus on making things work. Looking back will not help but focusing on the future gives a clear picture of what to work hard to achieve.

Post-divorce is a journey that should not terminate life. It should open a new page that will help the affected to recover from it and then move forward. If you are a parent, you shouldn’t transmit the mountain to the children. If you happily manage all this process, your life regains your glory and at some point, you find people with such challenges, and your experience helps to recover. Every challenge that comes our way is a stepping stone to greatness.

By Do It Yourself Divorce Reviews

Gray Divorce: Why Divorce After Decades Of Marriage?

Back in the days, a longer marriage had the least tendency to fail. However, it seems that todays’ generation of people who are already in their 50s are no longer after the status quo. Now more than ever, they are starting to challenge marriage trends as more and more baby boomers seek divorce as they age. On the other hand the number of divorce among couples who are below 35 years old has decreased dramatically.

For the past 20 years, there is a doubled number of the so-called gray divorce, or the divorce among couples who are more than 50 years of age. Meanwhile, the number is tripled for those who are more than 60 years old.

If you know someone or you have recently divorced after being together for 20 years or more, then, you are not alone. There is a continuous upswing in gray divorces and it is expected to grow more in the next few years.

But, what could be the reason why these older couples choose to split up despite all those times of being together? Are there things that you can do to prevent it from happening in your own marriage?

Here are the top reasons why more and more couples decide to go separate ways after many decades of being married.

Age Sometimes Matters

Whether you believe it or not, there are instances when age becomes a huge factor. A substantial gap in age that wasn’t really a big issue at the start of the relationship can turn into a serious problem later on in life. There is also a chance for people to crave for a reboot once they hit middle age. According to experts, a person tends to undergo biological and physiological brain upgrades at certain points in their lives, specifically at the age of 15 and it happens again at 40. Each time that you experience one, you suddenly want to go back in time. For some people, developing a relationship with a younger person might satisfy this urge.

The Couple Has Grown Apart

The process which leads to gray divorce is not usually a sudden trigger or event. Rather, most of the time, this happens little by little over time. This is similar to an unbreakable plate that you drop over and over again. The relationship can develop small cracks within the structure that might not be visible to the naked eye. Before you know it, it reaches that critical mass and ends up shattering without your knowledge. The hormonal changes which come with age might cause substantial shifts in a person’s sex drive.

This is the very reason why a lot of couples split later in life since they have grown apart. It usually comes as a big shock to family and close friends. Any undercurrent of dissatisfaction might take place for numerous reasons, yet some dominant themes might crop up every now and then. At times, one person, specifically the woman, might feel that she has given up a lot of things. She might have put aside her career as she raised her children and she feels the relationship’s wear and tear because it was not collaborative.

Money Issues

Differences in terms of spending habit as well as financial difficulties might come to the head and could cause a breakup. A spouse may be a big time spender while the other wants to save. The activities of the kids, college funds, and expenses eat the discretionary cash of the family and you become deep in debt.

Boredom Strikes

Boredom is also a factor according to an expert. Being around with the same person every day, depending on the kind of relationship you have, may lead to boredom. In some cases, individuals stop trying. For instance, you work hard, play hard, as well as take care of the business, yet you have stopped being the attractive and attentive spouse. You have also allowed yourself to be complacent.


Another factor is sexual incompatibility. Hormonal changes, which arise with age, may cause significant shifts in your sex drive and even if each couple of every age experiences the differentials in desire, these may be more pronounced with age.

Couples who are heading to the path of divorce may take steps to pull themselves back with these following tips:

Tip #1: Put Your Relationship First

You must be about protecting one another in the harsh environments and have one another’s back. You must also be an expert for one another and protect in public and private and don’t threaten the relationship. Aside from that, couples must have a strong sense of why they are together and they should determine the purpose of being a couple.

Tip #2: Evaluate Your Role in the Issue

Before you decide to give up on your marriage, look on the mirror. If there is a boring person you see in the mirror, you could be the problem. If this is the case, experts suggest making decisions to create an excitement in your life. You can plan for a new adventure, learn a language, begin a new business, and develop new skills together. Such activities will allow you to make new stories and could reignite your passion.

Tip #3: Always Take Care of Yourself

Not exercising, gaining weight, and dressing slovenly are actually the factors that send a message to your spouse that you do not care anymore. Consider trimming your fat, head to the gym, and cut the carbs.

Tip #4: Talk about Anything You Want

Talking about anything can help you work out your issues. You can consider any topic you want as long as it would involve discussions and interactions.

Tip #5: Talk about Love Making or Sex

Couples who are talking about their sexual expectations, vulnerabilities, and changing needs may manage their differences. Communication is important. As your body changes, you have to discuss what feels great both emotionally and physically to cultivate intimacy.

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